Lesson 8: Soul Tending Outward through Seeking and Granting Forgiveness
(See Soul Tending 96-98)
Maya spent years trying to be a Christian, but she finally gave up. “The forgiveness thing was too tough for me,” she explained. “Forgiving other people sounds good on paper; but in real life, there were simply some people I could not forgive.” Maya is right. Living as a forgiven people and forgiving person is a difficult aspect of the Christian faith for many people. Yet one of the beauties of the Christian faith is the simple fact that Jesus says, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you” (Luke 6:37-38). All of us have moments when we sin in thought, word, and deed. We commit sins by doing some things and by leaving other things undone. Therefore, it is important that we know both how to seek and how to grant others forgiveness. (NOTE: a “sin” may be defined as a thought, word or deed, done or left undone, that has caused the breaking of relationship between one’s self, with others, and/or with God. If a person has a broken or fractured relationship in one of the aforementioned area, more than likely, the other two relationship are or will become broken as well.)
When Jesus taught his followers how to pray, he gave them the immediate connection between receiving forgiveness from God and granting others forgiveness. “Forgive us for doing wrong, as we forgive others” (Matthew 6:12, CEV), the Bible says. It works both ways: Forgiveness from God is connected to our own gift of forgiveness to others. In the North American society where many of us may live, if someone is angry with the actions of others, they tend to take them to court rather than offer forgiveness, followed by working for redemption and reconciliation. This is not what Jesus had in mind!
Forgiving does not mean that a trespass is invalid or that it did not cause pain, it also doesn’t mean the trespass is forgotten or ignored. To forgive and to be forgiven means that at least one person has (and best if both parties have) recognized the sin, that personal thirst for revenge and retaliation is off the table, and the relationship is placed in God’s hands to heal through redeeming acts and processes of reconciliation.
Read the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35. Why do you think Jesus told this story right after Peter asked a question about forgiveness in verse 21? What is the point of this passage?
Some people refuse to act in revenge and retaliation. Murder Victim’s Families for Reconciliation even has a mission to abolish the death penalty. These people, all of whom have family members who were murdered, are putting their energy into working for policies and programs that reduce the rate of homicide and promote alternatives to violence. Reconciliation means accepting that you cannot undo the murder, but you can decide how you want to live afterward.
PRACTICE: Look at some different translations of Matthew 6:12. How do the different wordings clarify the meaning of this verse to you? Take a few moments and make a list of things requiring forgiveness, then pray not only for yourself, but for all humanity:
Almighty and merciful God, you made us. You love us. You forgive us. We know all that and are grateful, yet till we fail to follow the path you have set before us. We do not live out of the fullness of your love. Instead we say and do things that hurt other people, ourselves, and mar our relationship with you. We do not keep always before us your justice and righteousness but rather let our words and actions be governed by our own prejudices and misunderstandings. We are selfish and unsympathetic when you call us to live for others in a generous spirit. We are afraid to risk being different, fearful to speak out for truth, and not sure we can handle the consequences of following Jesus. And so we ask your forgiveness. Give us strength to return your love with our own loving lives. Let us forgive others as we know we need to be forgiven. All things are possible in you. Amen.
HOMEWORK: (1) Journal and/or pray about the need for forgiveness in your life; (2) Commit to seeking forgiveness from whom you need it or granting forgiveness to those who need it from you; (3) Reread Matthew 6:12 daily. If you say these words enough, do you think you can grow into living this message?; (4) Write your own prayer asking God for forgiveness. Think about any persons you may have hurt. Are you ready to ask them for forgiveness? If not, how can you grow toward that stage?; (5) Ask a person whom you admire and trust to share a time when he or she had trouble asking for or granting forgiveness.
REFLECTION: How does forgiveness change your daily life and how you relate to people?